Matt Writes Words

thoughts about movies, writing, and whatever else is on my mind

A Tiny Taste of What’s to Come

I’ve recently finished a short film called IT FELT GOOD TO HAVE THIS PAIN (teaser trailer here) that we’re currently submitting to film festivals.

In the meantime, I’m already working on the next thing, which will be a feature-length film. I’ve assembled a creative team and we’ve been working on it for about half a year and are preparing to shoot it next year.

A few days ago, we were out on location with a couple of the actors, building the characters and the relationship to each other and to the house that we’ll be shooting in. I shot a little video on the sly, which offers the tiniest little taste of what’s going to be a big, big movie.

This is not footage that will be in the movie. It’s just something I put together for fun.

Enjoy.

Movie Review: LIFE OF PI

I’ve always really liked Ang Lee’s work. His choices are smart, sensitive, and he’s always up to something different. LIFE OF PI has really wonderful direction, but my feeling about the movie overall is fairly lukewarm. I haven’t read the book, but I know that it’s beloved, and as far as I can tell, this movie does it a lot of justice, because it works very well as a movie. I just didn’t much care for the story and the themes. Likely, that’s because I’m not a religious person.

I knew going in that it was a movie about faith/religion and I was excited to see it because I find the ideas of religion fascinating, and it’s something I tend to think quite a lot about and actually love to see in movies.

This story is interesting in that it’s essentially about what there is to be gotten out of stories at all. Or, at least, that’s the part that I found most interesting about the story, and I guess my main criticism with the movie is that it glazes over what I thought was the real thematic core of the story. It had big ideas and then went soft on them.

But it looked real good.

The genius stroke, as far as the aesthetic goes, is that EVERYTHING looks fake. When I saw the trailer, I was concerned that it’d be a realistic movie that had computer-generated cartoony-looking animals in it. But, the whole thing looks like a cartoon, including the people. It’s well integrated into the whole style and aesthetic of the film, which I thought was smart.

I think that a lot of people will love the movie very much. It’s full of that heart-swelling stuff that folks like out of movies. I guess all I can really say is that it didn’t work with me the way that I would have liked to work with it.

[Grade: B-]

Learning to Love the Unknown

It seems to me that there is peace to be found in learning to love the unknown.

That which is not known is and always will be more vast that that which is known — truly, the unknown is infinitely more vast, because it constantly expands. Failing to recognize this is a barrier to peace.

If acquiring knowledge is supposed to be a recipe for conquering the unknown, then it is doomed to failure, and that will be a barrier to peace.

One of the great gifts of knowledge — perhaps the great gift — is the insight it offers into that which we do not know. It allows us to better understand and appreciate the unknown, which is the dominant truth of our existence.

Greater knowledge offers a way to better love the unknown. Through that, a little less obstruction between our minds and peace, and between people and peace.

So seek knowledge. Don’t be an idiot. But also, don’t be a fool. Don’t think you can conquer the unknown or that it is even meant to be conquered. Don’t blind yourself to the wonder.

This is advice from me to me.

Serious Questions

What exactly is Santa Claus’s economic and political philosophy? Is he a Capitalist? He seems to be rewarding “behavior” as opposed to work, but who determines what is “good behavior” and “bad behavior”? He seems to judge through the lens of Western morality, but applies it on a global basis, which is disturbing.

Has anyone found consistent and reliable documentation regarding the treatment of his employees? Why are they kept hidden away? Are they being punished for their attempts to unionize? What of his treatment of animals–particularly reindeer?

Do you know what Santa Claus’s whole enterprise paid in taxes last year? A whopping 0%. It is possible that he runs as a Non-Profit Organization, but if so, all the more reason for total transparency regarding his operations.

And how come he gives rich kids better presents than poor kids? Why does he continually refuse to accept the existence of Jews? What is his message to our children about fairness and tolerance?

Speaking of children, what exactly is his deal with children? Can we trust this person to be around children? Does he really have the children’s best interests in mind, or is there another reason he’s always such a Jolly Old Saint Nick?

No wonder so many people pray to Jesus on Christmas. But it’s gonna take a whole lot more than prayer to stop this Red Devil that we call Santa Claus.

Self-Image/Self-Imagination

There is an image that we have of ourselves, and there is ourselves as we truly are. Between the two is a gap, and in that gap there is a suffering. The “image” I speak of is actually made of three concurrent images: how we think we should be; how we think we appear to others; how we think we are. None of these thoughts are true. They are just thoughts. The thoughts are had and, meanwhile, we exist. Outside of thought, outside of analysis, outside of judgment, we exist.

There is a fear that, without these mental images, we might fail to improve ourselves, or that we would somehow lose ourselves. I am beginning to think that this is not true. I am beginning to think that these images get in the way of a lovelier, true self, always ready to come through.

I know, first-hand, that trying to “be better” is an exhausting idea that takes work to keep alive. This exhaustion leads to aversion, leads to procrastination, almost pushes us away from that image of a perfect self that we keep in our heads. Telling ourselves that we should eat better is a great way to start eating worse. Telling ourselves that we should be more organized and productive is a great way to sink a little further into the mess of clutter. Telling ourselves that we should be working is a great way to spend the day on Facebook and/or watching TV and/or napping and/or doing anything other than what we said we should do. It makes it harder. It makes the stone heavier, which, in turn, makes us feel weaker.

This is not to say that we should give up on self-improvement or on planning or on actually working. It doesn’t mean that we should just lay in bed all day. But that “image,” oh that pervasive projection of self, which begins to burn the back of our eyes, blinding us to our own fullness. It does not help. It does not need to be kept alive. These are movies that we play in our minds over and over again, with the bulbs in the projector threatening to shatter from the pressure of the heat.

Instead, we can say: “I have seen these movies before. Some of them are nice, and some of them are not nice. But they are just movies.” We can turn the movie off, even if for only a brief moment. A couple of seconds spent feeling the air in your body as you breathe in and breathe out–that is at least a couple of seconds spent with reality in this moment. Something not thought, but experienced. Something true.

When we catch our minds in the middle of creating conflict, drama, should-haves, and should-dos beyond a truly useful amount, it can help to breathe in deeply, feel the breath fill your body, and feel the air exit your body. Feel all of the muscles that are used to bring the air in and deliver the air out. Know that this is what it is to be alive right now. It might seem like a little thing, but all those breaths add up.

It eases the heart and brings the mind back to the present moment, and every moment spent in the present moment is a moment spent in the present moment. And the present moment is all that is real.

It’s not an image.

It’s you.

Here Today, Cannes Tomorrow

Well I’m getting on a plane in about 12 hours to fly to Cannes for the film festival. I’m also taking the opportunity to hop over to England for a few days while I’m in Europe to see my old friends in Brighton, where I lived for a year. I miss Brighton and my friends so much! I’m more excited about that than the film festival.

I have such mixed feelings about going to Cannes, though, to be honest. I think that it’s a good thing that I’m going, but I’m working on a new short film and a big part of me wants to just focus on putting that together (though a break may be good for me to help me see it with clearer eyes). Another thing is that I’m not a huge partier, and Cannes is going to exhaust me with the endless parties. It’s also going to be expensive. Thinking about all of this just makes me want to go to sleep.

With all that said, though, I am happy to be going. I think that it will be a valuable experience for me, and I DO think that it will be a lot of fun once I’m there.

It’s the same feeling that I had just before I went traveling for 5 months a few years ago. The way I travel is not comfortable, but incredibly rewarding. I CouchSurf, I put myself out there, I meet people, and I don’t have it all planned out, and the experiences are all the richer for it. But it’s also a lot of work.

I guess it’s also the same feeling that I have right before embarking on making a new movie. The amount of work is daunting, and the period of time BEFORE you’re actually engaged in the activity but can think about all the work that’s ahead of you is just a very weird thing. But, by now I should know that, once I step out the door tomorrow morning, the DOING of it will take over the thinking about it and things will either click, or I will respond to whatever is not clicking and adapt to make it work. That’s what we do when we’re engaged in something. It’s beautiful when you’re in it; it’s nerve-racking in the moments just before you jump in.

It is a comfort to me that I’ve traveled extensively already, so it’s not a big deal that I’m just taking a two week trip to basically go to the beach and watch some movies. But it involves a gear shift from my normal life and there’s always the butterflies that comes with that.

Actually, just typing all this out makes me feel a lot more relaxed about the whole thing. Thanks, blog.

Strangely enough, my biggest worry is that I won’t be able to do what I really need to do: Have Fun. I’m not always great at giving myself permission to just have fun, but that’s exactly what I gotta do.

————————————————————-

Oh, and since I briefly mentioned the new movie that I’m working on, let me show you the trailer for it:

It’s called IT FELT GOOD TO HAVE THIS PAIN and I am very, very excited about it!

If you want more info about the film and want to get updates about it, please visit and “like” the Facebook page for it: http://www.facebook.com/itfeltgoodtohavethispain

We have pretty much finished shooting it, except for a couple of pickup shots and bits of audio. I’ll jump right back into editing it when I return from Europe, and I plan to have it completed in late-June/early-July, and we’ll see if we can get it into some festivals.

Anyway. See you in France!

Because I Can Can Cannes

Sometimes, all of a sudden, several disparate forces come together and push you in a particular direction. You push against it for a while, saying that it wasn’t what you had planned, but it doesn’t take long to see that you’d be a fool not to give it a shot, to see where these strong winds will lead.

So it goes like this:

1. I made a movie real quickly, pretty much to get my juices flowing for another short that I will be shooting in April. That first movie turned out very well.

2. My friend/co-producer, Charlie, got an internship to go to the Cannes Film Festival, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity submit this film into the Short Film Corner and have someone there to represent the film. So we do that. And we get in.

That was fine enough for me to have Charlie go and try to get people to watch this short film, along with the new short film that I will have completed by then (so two short films to show and talk to people about in what is considered to be the most important film festival in the world).

3. Then, I go to a Q&A with David Gordon Green, a filmmaker who I have looked up to for the past 10 years. I was in my mid-teens, watching these amazing movies from this guy who was in his mid-20s, and he was doing it like nobody else. Let’s not mince words: he has been an idol of mine. After the Q&A, he kindly talks to me for a while and asks what I’m up to, and we get to talking about these two short films of mine that we’re trying to get people to look at in Cannes. He says I’ve gotta go.

My filmmaking idol looks me in the eyes and tells me that I have to go to the Cannes Film Festival, at the very least just to experience it, even if nothing else comes out of it.

A couple of hours later: I am officially accredited for the Cannes Film Festival, giving me access to everything but the big premieres (which are invitation only).

Now, as I sit here, I’m starting to think: maybe it’s time to fully accept that I belong at places like the Cannes Film Festival. I belong in the film world. Everything about my life clearly points to that. I belong in the film world; no where else. I belong with film people. I may be way in over my head, but that’s the best place to be sometimes.

So I’m going to the Cannes Film Festival.

I Made A Movie! (And You Can Watch It Here!)

Well, I haven’t written in here for a while, but I’ve been keeping busy. I’ve been focusing my efforts more on filmmaking. The more I try to do anything else, the more I realize that directing movies is the only thing that I really want to do, and the only thing that I want to be really good at.

So, since my last post, I snapped out of my mild depression and started lining up several film projects. I’ve been working with two actresses on developing a short film, which I’m working on writing right now and will aim to shoot in the coming weeks.

As I was working on developing that short film, I spontaneously decided to shoot another short film really quickly with these two actresses, so that we could get some experience working with each other, and so that I could get my feet wet as a director, as it’s been nearly two years since I’ve directed anything significant.

I decided that we would complete that film in one week, which we more or less accomplished. I wrote the script very quickly, we spent a day rehearsing it, and shot most of it in one day (with a handful of pick-up shots the following day). I cut it together in a few days and had a finished cut in exactly one week from the time I decided to make it. It took a few more days to complete the sound mix, but having that deadline was really helpful in spurring me on. I felt more confident and in control as a director than ever before, and the experience was invigorating!

I’m hoping to hold onto this momentum as I jump into the next short film. I’ve also got some music video projects lined up in the near future, so the plan is to be consistently busy with filmmaking for the next several months.

Anyway, here is that short film that we made. I’m very happy with the way it turned out, especially considering it was something we made so quickly. It’s only 6 minutes and 44 seconds long, and I hope you’ll take a gander at it.

TITLE: I’m So Sorry To Hear About Henry

SYNOPSIS: A young woman in denial over the possible death of her brother catches her friend in the middle of a shameful act.

RUN TIME: 6 minutes, 44 seconds.

Renewing The Vow

I’ve been mildly depressed lately. That tends to happen when I am not working on anything, and a little vicious cycle happens wherein I don’t feel like doing anything because I’m depressed, and I’m depressed because I’m not doing anything. Everything becomes dull and motivation is only a peripheral notion.

I’ve also been re-evaluating what writing means to me. I don’t really enjoy writing. I think I used to, maybe, but I don’t really get much out of it any more, as far as the content of what I’m writing goes.

That said, I can see that writing has been a useful act for me to do. The experience of life becomes sharper and I feel better about myself when I write consistently. The same holds true for exercise and meditation. It doesn’t matter if I write well, or exercise well, or meditate well, which is great because I don’t have the motivation or interest in excelling at any of those things.

In my re-evaluation, I’ve started to see these activities as markers for my day or week, and I’m starting to think that is the way in which they are most useful. By “markers for my day,” I mean the idea that, “Okay, I am doing THIS now.” It helps to compartmentalize the activities of the day, the times of the day, and that is how it works to bring the day into sharper focus.

The thing with depression is that all the days and activities just blur together. My only two real markers right now is going to sleep and waking up—everything in between is just a blur and I’ve been tending to spend most of that time on Facebook. So the action or practice of writing/meditating/exercising would be of value because they give the day a shape and edges, and having to make time for those things brings in a certain amount of focus. The hope is that focus/edges/shapes will mean a less blurry image of the day/week/month.

So it’s in that spirit that I want to renew my vow to myself of doing these things on a consistent basis. I hope to remind myself that I am not looking for a particular result as far as the quality of the action goes. It’s enough to do these things just to sharpen myself up. I’m don’t need to be interested in writing well or meditating well or exercising well. That’s good, because I’m not feeling motivated enough to try and be good at any of those things.

Movies I Liked in 2011 (Part 2)

Part 1 of this list can be found here.

When I sit down in a cinema, it’s kind of like I’m on a date with that movie (lord knows I’m not on a date with an actual woman). Usually, it’ll be a movie that seems perfectly nice, and I could list all the lovely things about it, but in the end I’d rather just be friends with it. Who can explain or predict these matters of the heart? Sometimes I’ll fall in love with a movie because it gave me what I needed on a personal level at the moment that I watched it. I might see a better movie that year that didn’t offer me as much on that personal level. Loving movies has nothing to do with finding the most accomplished, perfect movies, and everything to do with the particular connection you find with it.

This is why I can’t really bring myself to rank movies. It’s so personal. It just doesn’t make sense as far as how I think about movies. I don’t fully understand why I feel the way I do about anything.

I don’t know why I loved these movies, and I certainly have no idea whether they are the best movies of the year or not. I tried to write a little bit about why I connected with them, but I don’t really understand why I fall in love with the things that I fall in love with.

So it’s in that confused spirit that I offer this second half of the list of 8 movies that I felt like writing about. There is no order.

—————————————–

WEEKEND

This movie is about two hearts that move from being closed and frightened to being a little more open and a little bolder, thanks to the honest connection with another human being. Movies about that always move me tremendously because nothing is more terrifying to me than the thought of being emotionally open with another human being. So, even though this film is about a gay romance, I related to the loneliness of the main characters—each of the two men present a front to their friends but eventually allow themselves to be honest with each other. It is so tenderly and believably handled in this film, and it becomes tremendously moving to see how their short romance changes them as people. I suppose that’s supposed to be the potential power of love, so even though their romance was not meant to last, the film as a whole is still quite uplifting.

(Available on Netflix Streaming now)

——————————————-

ATTENBERG

 

I’ve only gotten one chance to see this, and that was in March during SXSW, so the film is a bit hazy in my memory. I just remember loving it. It was the perfect thing to see at that moment in my life—something bold, strange, animalistic. The connections between humans and other animals has been of particular interest to me for a long time, and this is a film wryly observes human behavior as if it were the same as observing animals in the wild in a nature documentary. The film makes these observations through its main character, a young woman who is openly confused about how and why people act the way they do, needing to learn how to behave like a normal human being. I guess I related to her confusion, but I just hide it better. It’s also a really funny movie. All I know is that I can’t wait to see it again.

———————————-

MEEK’S CUTOFF

 

Firstly, I just find this film beautiful. Wonderfully shot in Academy Ratio (square screen), this film gives us a version of the migration to the American west coast that we’ve never seen quite before—dustier, sweatier, more brutal, and more genuinely feminine, meaning that the film is interested in what the Oregon Trail experience was like for women, who had to walk miles in the unforgiving heat while wearing heavy dresses with bonnets, had to take care of the children, and had to wake up at before dawn to prepare breakfast. This is a film that gives the mundanity of the journey and the life-or-death stakes of the situation equal consideration and screen time, and the result is something that feels true to how it must have been. I found it fascinating.

(Available on Netflix Instant now)

——————————–

THE TREE OF LIFE

 

This is a very pretty movie, but the magic of Terrence Malick’s films, to me, lies in the editing. This is where his poetry is actually accomplished. My favorite parts of the movie are the unexpected combinations of images and sounds, which is rare to find in cinema, as most movies are typically executed in an obvious way, as far as camera/sound/editing goes. A movie like this is less about executing a story as it is about evoking a feeling. I don’t know why, but my favorite moment of the movie is a brief shot of the camera moving slowly toward a wall as some voice over begins. I think most people wouldn’t even notice the shot, as it’s brief and not connected to anything, but it has some subconscious effect, and felt true to the way I remember things—I remember walls, staircases, breezes from places I’ve been, and they’ll just pop up in my mind sometimes, independent of anything else. Moments like that were actually at the core of my emotional connection to this movie. That’s what made it feel so incredibly personal to me, and when those tiny intimate memories were juxtaposed with the epic, expansive images that are also in the film, I found it to be incredibly moving, and it left me wondering about EVERYTHING for a long while.

(Available on Blu-Ray/DVD now)

——————————————————–

I also really liked SUBMARINE, COLD WEATHER, WHERE SOLDIERS COME FROM and CONAN O’BRIEN CAN’T STOP, but I didn’t feel like writing about them.

Everything else I saw this year was GARBAGE.  (just kidding y’all, sorta)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 106 other followers